we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
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