Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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