True but thats because hes a fetus.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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