Kareoke will never be a sober sport
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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