he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
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I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
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The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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