I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
