Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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