If i come over, it means nothing
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
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Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
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I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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