I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
