so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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