dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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