Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
