I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
