His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
