i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
