Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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