I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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