omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
