I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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