Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
