She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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