She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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