dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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