community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You were trust falling into bushes
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
