your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I stole a fireplace last night.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
