To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
