look no pants
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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