you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
