I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
