I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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