so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
