I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Be still, my beating vagina.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
