That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
