I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
