If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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