she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
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You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
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Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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