there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.