her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
