I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Can you repeat that, but with context?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.