between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
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I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
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The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?