chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
