I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
