i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Too much gin, very little bucket
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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