Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
