Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
