Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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