The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
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Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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