I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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