my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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