come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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