Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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