Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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