i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
