you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
