When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
