two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
