Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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