Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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