dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
