i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
