you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
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