was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
