Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
