Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
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