this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
