I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
