OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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