She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
