I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
