I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
