ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
