wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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